GO BACK TO SCHOOL MR.AZAD

When ‘Milk’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ won the Oscars, next morning Newyork Times published with a headline on first page as ‘Gays and Indians won the Oscars’. Probably nobody expected a typical gay theme movie will win a Oscar, but it did happen.
When our honourable Mr. Azad made his speech at Zilad against homosexuality, he would have never thought Queens will make such a drama. Ofcourse our babu made his statement based on facts, theories and vote bank, but for a moment he has forgotten that he was landing his feet on his mouth. We had no idea whether Azad babuji was just reading a well-written speech by his kindergarden graduate secretary or the media just made a mole out of a mountain at the time of news scarcity. Lets not blame Azad alone for his lack of school education, because of his lack of interest in Science & history, he particularly dumped classes on these subjects on his school days, those days he never thought that one day Dr. Manmohanji and Soniaji will make him a Health minister of India.
Azad was well aware of the fact that when Pizzas and Brittania biscuits came to India, it came along with this ‘disease’ called homosexuality without any Excise tax. All of a sudden British realized that there were too many homosexuals roaming around in India; they came up with this colonial law called Section 377 and then in 1960s all the homosexuals became pregnant who produced too many homosexuals like mosquitos. Thus population exploded in India. Let us just accept the fact that Azad had very little knowledge about Hinduism because of his alternate worship and excuse him for his ignorance on Arthanareeswarar, because of the long spelling he never read this name before neither heard about him. Azad had this time machine called ‘Blunder’, so he travelled all the decades, eras, civilisations and history in India and discovered that there was not even one single homosexual then. Those days all of them were only having sex with their opposite sex and producing babies .In particular Azad travelled into their bedroom and discovered this great truth that homosexuality never existed before. Some men even had 60000 wives, but they were never touched another male’s crotch…Mother promise
Homosexuality is not an Indian culture. According to Azad Mr. Vathsayinar was a foreigner who came from West and written Kamasutra with homosexual contents. And if any of you by mistake thought that homosexual depiction in Kajraho sculptures where in which a male poking his thing into another male’s back you are totally wrong or you should get an appointment with an ENT specialist right away. That Indian male was not poking his thing into another Indian male, he was actually poking a sword into a foreigner’s ass because the foreigner was a homosexual. Infact the sculpture was totally about homophobics. So get real people, its time you go back to school and get your history and Science correct. Mr. Azad who does not like to hurt anybody’s feelings because he wanted to become a Mother Therasa oneday after his retirement from politics. He just told us the fact which was socially accepted by the majority of people in India. Because he has spoken every single Indian citizen and recorded their vote on the same. If I say one more thing about how Azad found out that majority of Indians practice heterosexuality then Indian mothers will come and crush my balls for sure…Trust me
If any of you think that in India, the constitution was made based on majority and Mr. Azad had no equal rights such as freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of living because he belongs to a minority religion. Mr. Azad lived in an exile, shame and fear like non-citizen because he belongs to a minority religion, minority homosexuals deserved the same treatment too. Their act is so unnatural. When Azad came to know that nearly 450 species practice homosexuality, he banned them all because they are actually imported from West. Indian species are good boys and girls. Apart from being killed they hardly get time to have sex neither gay sex. Azad never accepted Darwin’s theory of Evolution, infact he is still mad at him for calling his ancestors as Chimpanzees…How dare Mr.Darwin?
Recently Mr. Azad learnt that more than 4.7 Lakhs people spreading this homosexuality along with HIV. When Mr. Azad went through the papers he ignored the fact that highest population among HIV infected are heterosexuals and female workers, but he was worried of the fact that homosexuals are hiding like cowards and should come out to the streets with a label on their forehead as ‘I am a homosexual’, so that he can cure their body and sexuality. Just like stray dogs even after all the fear and shame that they might have to go through because of the negligence of the society for being alternative sexualities. If nothing works he will give them a shock therapy not very similar to the one given in our Government hospitals but making a statement like this with Scientific and historical notes or he would send them to Baba Ramdev to teach them yoga and convert them into straight ones. Thus it will be like two mangoes in one stone he can divert Baba Ramdev’s attention from fasting and appearing on television news and convert all the western imported, unnatural homosexuals into damn straight ones…Lets just say Mr. Azad had good intentions media just misquoted him. Someone in media who don’t know Imported language called English and translated his hindi version totally wrong.
Well, whatever it may be atlast our Queens who were waiting for such a golden opportunity grabbed Azad’s comments and his crotch. They hardly gets media attention apart from the Pride marches. Azad gave them the opportunity to wear their make-ups, lipsticks and fake American accents. Very next day they appeared in all the media with their intellectual questions to Mr. Azad finding faults in his comments, trying to win a debate. Some of them went for shopping the previous night the moment they heard Azad, they knew that their glorious day has come. Press conferences were arranged by different groups in various cities. They uttered their organizations name they belong carrying loadful of business cards. Some of them even dropped their phone numbers incase someone gone totally mad after Mr. Azad’s comments and looking for counseling. They ensured that their image appears on the newspaper frontpage or atleast somewhere in the corner. Thanks to the health minister for giving them a chance to publicize their organizations, photograph themselves for documentation, keep them in the elite circle and raise funds. Nobody missed the opportunity thanks to the English news channel for their repeated news program.
Mr. Chinnathambi from Usilampettai was clueless about what is going to happen after 12 years on the other end. He had no idea if he is gay or bisexual or just bi-curious or someone who is desperate for a cock. As usual he wrote a tamil poem about his secret crush who travel along with him in town bus on the way to his college. Chinnathambi heard no clue about his unbearable feelings on his secret crush. He hardly spoke to him, Chinnathambi has no idea whether his secret crush boy aware of his existence at all. Fear and shame came to him when Chinnathambi doubted that his unbearable feelings for the boy might be ‘Love’. Though he wanted to express feelings and fear to someone but he was too frightened to do it since he might be labeled as ‘onbothu’ by his friends. So he kept his love story to himself. After few years Chinnathambi got married to his uncle’s daughter. He became addicted to alcohol and committed suicide in two years, when he died his wife was 19 years old…End of the story…
P.S: India is one of the two largest democratic country, the other one is United States where in which recently legalized Gay marriage, here we are still fighting against a colonial law…Jai Hind

cheers,
Vikranth
Founder of Chennai Dost Group