Written by: Dev
What could be new and interesting in a typical college student’s life.. pretty much the same boring lectures , hang outs in the same boring spots, straight acts before friends and family.. though I like fairy tales ( remember .. I m gay) I was never expecting anything magical in life , I never wasted time in believing miracles..
Though I love blowing, the fact that I have to live in pardha for the rest of my life blowed me to pieces. Hook ups and break ups were two things I hated the most but couldn’t resist it either. Love never loved me and interests in hurting me. Time never let me collect my shattered fragments . I m nothing but a typical gay, longing for some changes in life and in the society. Also I knew very well that sitting safe in the closet and expecting something new to happen is absurd.
Used to wonder what can ‘I’ do, what an immature, unexperienced , slow learning gay can do other than watching movies like ‘MILK’ and hoping for something like that to happen in ‘ INDIA’ with crossed fingers.
I felt like in the middle of an ocean with no clue where to go & what to do. People normally walk over the stones and thorns to reach their destination with little bit difficulty assigned by the almighty. But isn’t it unfair that gays have to walk through these path with no destination , with no idea what they are supposed to do, what could be done for their betterment , who would help them in finding the way home???
Being gay was fun once, but not anymore, its full of doubts now. should I come out ? will my parents accept me? will my friends treat me in the same way ,if they know who I am ? will I find true love? if I find one, will it last long? Even if it lasts long, are we gonna be accepted in the society? I have been through a phase where I got scared of question marks and thought that living with closed eyes would be a solution. What I mean is, to lead a STRAIGHT life, which I learnt would never work and ended up hurting myself , again... Been through another phase where I thought of having no more sex with anyone but one, the special one. After learning that such things would work out well in dreams and movies, hardly in reality, I was left with no place to go .. isn’t it terrible, when you want to do something but have no idea how to do.
Believe me guys, Miracles do happen but mostly happens just like that , it goes unnoticed. My old friend , Vikranth , current director of Chennai Dost , called me one late evening and said about the meetings they organize where they discuss about coming out, gay relations etc.. while listening him little I knew that its gonna dawn very soon, taken by curiosity I attended one such meeting …. Something in me said that being part of such an organization would make me a part of history.. am I not right , I am part of a history now.
I got my own bunch of guys with whom I hang out the very same spot but no more its boring, no more I pretend to be straight , no more I worry about acceptance. I don’t bother swimming in any ocean with this guys. I am no more tormented by questions.
I felt something happened in me. My old friends said some thing is wrong with me. my family says something is into me .. guess what – A Change.. .
Written by: Dev