Written by: Vikki
He’s just not my type
Episode - 1
I was in a hurry, I admit. No matter how hard I try I never been able to be on time for anything in my life. Well, there is nothing wrong in my genes you know and my folks did nothing wrong in bringing me up this way. I just couldn’t do it. Similarly as I am being gay even though I was born for a heterosexual parents and brought up in a conservative family, I just couldn’t help myself from being attracted towards men. Oh yeah, I forgot to say, that I am gay, I am gay and I am so gay…
And it never really bothered me. What really bothers me when I miss the Sunday meetings at the beach? For last 3 years it has become a weekend ritual to meet my friends at our favorite Besant Nagar Beach. One of the main reasons for choosing Elliot’s beach is Men. You can find all types of good looking men passing by while you are busy chatting with your friends on the footpath. Every Sunday evenings we will gather around and discuss things, things that really mattered to us. Only things we talk about are men, fashion, food, love and sex, we are gays after all and we are privileged to gossip . If we don’t talk about men then who else?
When I was almost there, I heard their laugh. There they were the great three whom I love to the core. Ok, let me put things straight first and foremost (I am not straight though, but my thoughts are not bend), the love between we four is something that we cherish, there is nothing chemistry about it. Just because we are gays that doesn’t mean we have to be attracted to every men on earth and especially not those three, isn’t it? And yes you guessed right they are not my type. They are my friends, friends with whom I share everything, who have been my life and there after. They have been with me for everything my happiness, my worries, my troubles, my struggles, my successes, my failures, I really mean, for everything.
Ok, let me introduce my great friends to you. Do you see that guy who is wearing grey pants, light green shirt in formal attire, Fine. Let me give you his ASL. His name is Vijay (well it’s just a nickname), Age: 24, Stats 30waist/5.8ft height/Fair Complexion/Clean Shaven/ Toned body/ Wearing specs/Short hair and he is versatile. Vijay is working for a MNC as a Marketing Executive for a mobile network. Oh, I am sorry that was 5 months before Citi Bank. Recently he joined in an Insurance Company located at Mount Road. That’s Vijay for you never satisfied with onething in his life, he could never stick with anything in his life.
The guy who is wearing a pencil fit jean and a sleeveless tight tees sitting next to Vijay that is Abhi. Fine, I agree that by first sight you thought he is a woman, oh come on he is just little flamboyant that’s all, ok fine he is a lot flamboyant. His flames are all over the place most of the times, his hands gestures are bit girly ofcourse all the times. But she is a man after all. Abhi aka Abhishek is the eldest one in our group, his real age is something that a secret he kept close to his heart. There is nothing possibly existing that he didn’t know in the gay world. Details and whereabouts about every profile in Planet Romeo are on his finger tips. Though he is cynical and can be irritative at times, his passion towards Fashion must be appreciated, he can give you an insight about everything from the dress you are wearing or the compact which suits to your skin or the speciality of the nearby Chinese restaurant. And oh yeah he is a pussy boy in denial.
And finally Sam, he is an aspiring model. He is young, hot and happening in our Chennai Gay world. I know you are now desperate to know his ASL, here we go.
Sam/23/6ft/32waist/70kg/Fair/shaven with a goatee/long hair/gym built/seductive eyes and lips and what not else. And he is TOP, something that is hard to find in Chennai. There is no wonder he is happening now. And above all he is rich, party freak and seriously not into relationships. Sam loves his friends, hates his parents. His dad is a successful businessman who travels abroad frequently and rarely stays at home and his mom like any other upper class woman likes to be in the social circle and pretty much engaged herself in social activities, like Green Peace etc. What we like most about Sam is that he owns this giant called Audi. Sometimes I wonder how many women he would have slept with by now just because of his looks and car if he isn’t really gay. And Sam love to have sex almost every night with boys ofcourse, I wonder where he gets all those twinks probably from Yahoo Chat Room no.9
And about me, I came from a small town somewhere nearby Coimbatore which I never admitted to my friends. I am a software engineering graduate with a first class and got my placement at TCS through campus. I came to Chennai 2 years before and rented an apartment nearby Tidel park which is my workplace. Something that I am proud of is love for art. I like paintings, music, books anything which can come under that category. I admit I am an addict to romantic movies, henceforth I am one of those boys who love to fall in love madly. Hence I am waiting for my Prince Charming for a very long time.
Lets get back to the scene, Abhi as usual greeted me with his popular hand gesture to clear his hair falling over his forehead.
Abhi asked me, “Hi Rahul, so what delayed you today? Did your Prince Charming came to Tidel Park entrance riding a horse to take you out for a coffee?” (I told you the bitch is very cynical)
And once again I forgot to introduce my name to you. This is Rahul (what else it could be?)
“Oh come on Abhi, We all know that Mr.Prince Charming never going to come in my life to sweep my heart” I said calmly
Abhi asked me again “So what happened to that hot_majnu you were chatting with in the past few weeks?” (well, we generally refer other people by their Planet Romeo profile names)
Suddenly all of them Vijay, Sam, Abhi were looking at me anxiously waiting for my reply
“he is not my type” I replied
Abhi who must be really enjoying this moment was putting up an act as if he suddenly feels sorry for me
Abhi said “I told you, he is not your type, he is nobody’s type, sometime back, he was hitting on me big time, but I said big NO to him. Infact I had to block him from sending me messages” (and when he said that we all know that it is a big fucking lie, but nobody wanted to hurt him, so we just ignored what he said.
To change the topic I have asked Vijay “So did you go to Redbull’s place last night?”
Vijay said as usual with his sarcastic tone “Oh yeah, I did and it turned out to be Mr.Redbull is just a Redcow in the end”
We all laughed then
But it made me think for a while about the so-called ‘types’. Does type really exist? Why is that ‘Type’ so important in Gay world, unlike the heterosexual world?
It is understandable among heterosexual men they are not really bothered about opting only for their type of women and vice versa. Especially in a country like India it is difficult to sleep with their opposite sex before marriage and they rarely find opportunities to do so. So the heterosexual men go for whatever which comes in their way, even if they didn’t get any women, they are not even bothered to sleep with men these days. This is not the same case in the Gay world, where they have plenty of opportunities. Can you believe that there are nearly 5000 men profiles in Planet Romeo in Chennai alone? So here comes the types Twinks, hunks, gym built, bear etc and then there is this huge tug of war to get one. A guy like me who cannot really categorize into any will be finding hard to find someone of my type.
So lets deal with it. I am into hunk guys who are between 22 to 26 and I wanted them to be versatile in bed
Sam likes twinks especially teenagers and even if they are top, he will easily convert them into brand nelly bottoms in one night
Vijay is into dark manly men since he is not sure of his sexual preferences, he almost go for anyone he gets
And Abhi is very typical he likes men who are tall, toned and fairer in complexion and we had no idea what he prefers in bed
Oops, thinking about types really made me go crazy for a while.
Of all this time Sam was keeping quiet and suddenly he said
“Ok, come on Cow-boys we need some grass to chew, I am starving, any suggestion for a good restaurant nearby”
Abhi said “A good restaurant in Besant Nagar? None. Probably we can find one if we go to the other end of the shore”
Sam asked “So what to do now? Hit the same old Corner House again?”
Abhi replied him “Not really, I heard there is this new restaurant open next to Corner House is pretty good. People said it’s so gay, so can we go and check in?”
We all hurried to that new restaurant by Sam’s Audi in few minutes, I must say Sam is terrific behind the wheels, though Abhi never really admitted it.
Few months back Sam brought someone to one of our Sunday meetings.
He is a 18 year old boy, who looked like he came out of the kindergarden fresh. But he was strikingly cute and adorable. His profile is sweet_twinkie. He’s a spoiled rich kid who knows nothing about the electricity bill that his dad is paying every month neither about minister of Electricity, all he knew about his latest video game and his Facebook friends list. Unfortunately he met Sam through FB ofcourse, the easily available social networking site to find teen gays.
The boy was totally confused about his sexuality neither his preferences. And the moment he saw Abhi he was totally lost then.
Few days before Sam brought sweet_twinkie to Bessi, Abhi challenged Sam to find a twink who can be his short term boyfriend atleast for a period of 3 weeks. The Great Challenge project came from Abhi’s honey tweeted tongue when we were in the middle of an argument about ‘Types like twinks can be a best bet as a boyfriend material’. As usual Abhi couldn’t acknowledg it. He thought twinks are the most confused souls in the gay world and they cannot even sustain a relationship for more than 2 weeks. So the Great Challenge project was taken over by Sam just to prove Abhi was wrong, even though Sam never wanted to be in a relationship.
The boy seems to be so much in love with Sam, he was infact madly in love. You cant complaint sweet_twinkie someone like Sam who can sweep your heart with his charming looks and precious gifts, well you have to be a trained professional in Love-Defense Academy not to fall in love with him.
Few days later Sam called me over the phone when I was busy using my office chatting facility to find out if my next floor hot colleque whom I met in the cafeteria on the other day is free to booze with me that weekend.
Sam’s manly husky voice was literally shouting in the phone line “Listen, I have a problem. Sweet_twinkie is giving me a headache for past 2 days” (oh yes, we all have problems)
I was half listening what he was saying then “Why? What happened?”
Sam “He wanted to introduce me to his parents as his boyfriend tomorrow, but I cant tell him that I am not really in love with him and this is just a bet”
I was keeping one eye on my computer screen waiting for a response from the hot guy next floor, still I haven’t got any green signal from him.
“I thought you liked him too” I said innocently
Sam’s husky voice again “oh yeah I liked him, in bed…Oh come on dude, you know me very well, I don’t fit in, definitely not for relationships….”
I was positively confused then, the hot guy next floor was typing so slow possibly one letter every minute and I was still waiting for his go ahead. I was damn sure if I take the hot guy for a booze at my place it would undeniably give me a chance to check how hot he can be without clothes.
I had no idea what Sam was babbling about in the phone line. My mind was in disarray.
Sam had to ask me twice if I am really listening to him and then I replied Sam “Bravo dude, this is not about your relationship thing, this is all about The Great Challenge…its just 3 weeks and you have almost crossed 3 days now. And I think sweet_twinkie is really a cutie, you can ofcourse fuck him every night for another 18 nights…so what’s wrong?”
From the chat box, I noticed the next floor hot guy deleted everything he was typing to send me and he started typing again something new. Oh my god, now I have to wait for another few painful minutes all because of this Stupid Sam
Sam said “Nothing is wrong and nothing is right. He is just not my type”
And then the next floor hot guy went offline for the entire day on Friday.
Coming back to the restaurant, it is ofcourse a new one, decorated with a Mandarin theme. Chinese pots, wall hangings, red sashes gave us a Chinese ambience. Since it is new, the tables were pretty much empty except bunch of mallu guys sitting in the corner of the restaurant and a Sardar family which includes 2 bulky kids in wheat ccolor complexion in the other end.
The waiter who must be from Sikkim or Meghalaya came to our table, poured water into our glasses and left. He looked kind of cute must be in his early twenties or in his late thirties (it is difficult to find their age by their physic and faces, they all looked like the same to me)
We were gazing at the mallu guys who were busy chatting
Even after several minutes passed by nobody was on sight to take the order from our table.
Abhi was staring at the mallu guys who was sitting in the corner and said to Vijay “Look at that blue shirt, your type I think”
I wonder why mallu guys are all sexy and if it is anything to do with the coconut oil. There were nearly 6 mallu guys in the gang and almost all of them were hot. feminine lips, shining skin and hot bodies dressed in stylish menswear. The blue shirt guy was dark but he was sexy and manly. If I were a fashion designer I would have chosen him for the next D&G assignment.
Abhi’s predictions never went wrong, No wonder in sweet_twinkie’s case Sam failed.
Vijay said “oh yeah, I would do anything to take him to my place tonite”
I interrupted and said “but you don’t have a place, you need my help for that. And I wouldn’t mind a threesome if it is that blue shirt guy”
Both Sam and me looked at our watch and asked Abhi “What happened to this restaurant people, we have been sitting here for more than 32 minutes now, nobody bothered to take the order?”
Abhi’s tone shown the same irritation and said “yeah, I think they found out that we are gays and trying to insult us. This is total discrimination, so lets move”
Everybody got up except me, I refused to move from the restaurant and anchored myself in the seat “Come on Abhi, nobody can recognize our sexuality here, though they can easily recognize you. And above all I already drank half glass of water and used 2 tissues from the table, so I am not moving out as if I am a criminal” (I was really adamant then)
They all sat back giving me wild look. Just to hide his irritation Sam looked at the mallu guys and added “I wouldn’t mind exchanging my Audi car to that blue shirt guy even if he has poor Nano”
Abhi calmly said “I wouldn’t mind being a versatile for him in bed even if he is a top”
By then we all chuckled, Sam burst into laughter
Once again I lost in thoughts.
Finally waiter came and took the order from us. They served the dinner after another 40 horrifying minutes. The burger they served was cold and the pepsi was warm. We pledged not to return back to that restaurant again in our life.
While I was returning back home I was keep on thinking about the blue shirt and the response from my friends
Vijay, Sam, and even Abhi who generally find errors in everything wouldn’t mind sleeping with someone sexy even though if he is not their type. I guess the ‘Type theory’ is wrong. We are no different than a heterosexual guy when he is so desperate to sleep with any woman, we do the same. Well, on an any given day, if we are so horny and desperate we wouldn’t mind who we were sleeping with whether he is our type or he is somebody’s type or the guy has no face at all, we will just go for it. God forbidden, we wouldn’t mind sleeping with a woman and may even call ourself as a lesbian.
So lets just say, Type is just a hype, created in the myth of the mysterious gay world.
To be continued
Written by: Vikki