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Monday, August 17, 2009

My Epic - Coming Out

Written by: LGayFriend

Part III: To live with pain!!!

My morning alarm slaughters me. I killed the alarm and checked out the calendar. It points: 08th August 2009 – 07:30 AM. Seven days has been completed since I moved to Shollinganallur. I am unable to believe myself how I survived this whole seven days without him. How did I survived? I would have become mad. Or I would have died. But I am not. Yes, I missed him more than my soul. On every morning I used to rewind my life three months back. Only that energy makes me to keep going these seven days. I believe this energy will hold me for ever.

What I am going to do today? All my roommates have gone to their natives. I would become mad if I stay here for a long time all alone. No, I would cry aloud sitting in a corner, thinking about him. I don’t have any idea how I am going to pass these whole two days. A good idea. Better go to a movie or shopping or beach or relatives home. Just don't be alone. "Just go out from here. Don’t be alone". I keep on repeating this. On and on. I started to think about the plan for these two days.

Usually I won't pray God. But today I did. God! Heaven shake the energy has to hold me to pass my days with out any hindrance.

Why this happed? I regret for the happed thing every day morning. Does this will happen to everyone or this is happening to me alone. Why for me???

I have only one choice. I have to live with this pain. He will not be with me anymore.

Who I am?
I reside near Shollinganallur. And I am pursuing my work in a famous MNC Company near by Shollinganallur. I am a guy with full of exploring and grapping the new technology idea as fast anyone could. But not exploring or very much invades into the Venus. I am totally shit on this. But guys after their graduation came with their dreams. I am different from them. A unique one. Hmmm. Not anymore. But I can say in this way: I am one among the hiding small group in this world. GAY.

Age: 24
Fair color.
Average hairy.
Height: 168.2
Weight: 64.5

Part II: Our Voyage Ends!!!

Date: 31st July 2009
I am so silent the whole day in the office. Rahul asked the reasons only while entering into office in bus, when no one was around. I said "Nothing". He is a person of reading minds. I mean he used to understand other minds. He never asked the question again to me. A nice guy. I entered into my workaholic world with a burden in my mind.

Time: 8:30 PM (Usual time)
Journey: From Office to Anna Nagar. (Usual journey)
Transport: Office Bus. (Usual bus)
I Seated: First Seat. (Usual place)
He Seated: Besides me (Usual place)

But I am going to say the unusual thing to him.

We both started from office. I boarded the bus with a hope that he will really understand me. Bus fired up sharply from the campus. I am silent unusually. Rahul frequently looks my face. He is waiting for me to speak out. The bus crossed Shollinganallur. I though I must. I said to Rahul with a deep ache in my heart with a low tone, "Rahul, I am going to move to Shollinganallur from Anna Nagar."
First he was in shock. But he smiled back and said, "Oh that’s great buddy. Then it will be convenient for you to work right." With a killing smile. I fell very guilty on that day. He hasn’t asked anything regarding the reason of my move. He assumed that it is because of my easy. A nice guy.

I know how he will experience for this departure. And he knows how I will feel the pain. But we haven't shared the pain. We just understood with a look in each eyes.

I said about the new room and the old roommate's suggestion to shift the room.

The plan of the room shift is because of my roommates. I quarrelled with them. But I am the only person denying the room shift. The majority wins.

That day 31st July 2009 was my last day with him, our voyage ends there.

I regret for the happed thing every day morning. Now, I have only one choice. I have to live with this pain. He will not be with me anymore.

Who is he?
He is a guy. His native is Chennai, MMDA. And he is a senior employee of the same Company. He is service oriented and helps everyone. His dressing sense will be too good. I can say about him in a single line. Like: He is totally hot. Or, an awesome guy. What else I can say.

Manly deeds.
Age: 29
Fair color.
Average hairy.
Height: 173.2
Weight: 75.6
Very dark curly hair.
Joined eyebrows.
Very spiky eyes.
Sharp nose.
Small upper lips.
Wide laugh.
Aligned Wight teethes.
Impressive chin and jaws.

Not more than this… He has a perfect manly body structure. He has not been made; instead, he has been designed.

Part I: An immense short life span

I am not affectionate of him only because of his physic. Actually he is a simple, cute, smart, move and manly guy. Yes, these aspects fascinated me towards him.

I couldn't believe that how do I get a friend like him. I have been waiting nearly 24 years to have such a friend. It happened just like that and ended in the same way. I really want to evoke all the happened things in that period. It was a very cheerful moments that will never get erased from my mind.

I have been moved to the office near to Shollinganallur. It is usual thing in my office. My old project got over and I have been allocated to new project. And I am new to the location.

My routine process:
Rise: 6:30 AM
Get Ready to office.
Start @ 7:10 AM from room.
Board the bus @ 7:20 AM at Anna Nagar Deppo.
Sit in First seat.
Read the story book (Angels and Demons), till i got sleep.
Wake up: When bus crosses Sathyabama University.
Step down into office by 9:15 AM.
Have breakfast all alone.
Will enter into my working environment.
Have lunch all alone.
Will enter into my working environment.
Have dinner all alone.
Will leave by 8:30 bus.
Reach my room by 10:30 PM
Have a bath
Read the story book, till i got sleep.

Once every one boarded into the bus, we used to sign in the Bus Entry Sheet Form. Since I am the first person I will start sitting in the sheet and pass on to the next sheet. Mostly by associates in the back sheets will be sleeping. I have to get up and move to the third sheet to pass the sheet. It will happen frequently. The person to whom i used to pass the sheet is Rahul. He will board the bus at MMDA. He used to watch me often, having question as why I am all alone. Firstly, I haven't cared at him. But the things changed in over night.

Date: 05 may 2009. He sat besides me in bus. But I haven't cared about it. As usually I started reading my story Book. Next day, the same thing happened.

Date 07 may 2009. He started talking me. He sounds very professional. He introduced himself and his expiries. He is working in another phase, handling a team. I introduce myself to him.
He is a type of open person. And this goes on, goes on. We both glued together so soon. I believe that his out spoken character makes me to bring together. I come across such feeling when I am along with him. I stopped reading book and forgot to sleep in bus. We talked, talked and talked. We planned to start back together from office in the same bus @ 8:30 PM. We used to meet and talk only in Bus. I started to wait for the moments with him. Days pass on and passed on. He used to hold my hands very tight and say "Bye Hari" with a cute smile, and then get down in his stop. I liked the mannerism.

We used to speak in many topics. Beyond what friends used to talk about.
· Projects Related doubts
· Work Pressure
· Politics inside the projects
· Appraisals Rating
· Promotions
· Models followed in the projects
· Many Project and Account levels topics
· Self Improvement
· Motivations
· Career Developments
· Suggestions / Solutions
· World Economy
· Schools / Colleges enjoyment/ Scores
· Interests and Hobbies
· Gym / Body Building
· Commenting on girls (Though I am not this type. I enjoyed as he enjoyed)
· Friends
· Friends problem
· Family Problems
· Marriage
· Movies
· Terminator - Arnold / Varananm Ayiram - Suriya
· Shreya (He is very crew on her)
· BF (A very dentally. He is expert in that)
· Cine Songs
· Dreams
· Books
· People characters
· Computers / Electronic Items
· Other Jobs
· Cars

Date: 21 July 2009 he was so depressed. I asked about it. He said his parents were searching for his life partner for the long time and showed him three photos. All were not looking good. So, he shouted at them. He said: "Hari, I am not asking for a high personality woman. I am searching for a normal personality with good characters. She should be young around 23. But my parents are showing me women around 26 and more. They do not understand my feelings. It is hurting me more and more. All were too stout. I lost the hope of marriage Hari. I have been so genuine and controlled myself for this." He just spilled out every thing to me from his mind. The day I felt pain in my heart. He was silent till he gets down.
Once I reached home, I message him: "Rahul, I am not made to get married... Guess you know why.. Probably it will be more bitter feeling than what you are experiencing now. I know you will be the right person to talk about this... But I think it will create bad look on me, if I tell you... Hope you won't tell anybody... Rahul, I am GAY... It sounds chilly... But... Guess you will understand me... Pls don't feel about me.. You are the only person to know about this... AND PLS DELETE THIS MESSAGE..."
Reply came from him immediately: "Ok gentleman. No worries... Will enjoy the present life.. Good Night... TC".
I slept that night with complete comfort. After unloading and sharing the long time locked big burden.
The next day, he looked very fresh and clear face. He chatted with me usual. I felt very happy. He was back again. He was never sad for his delayed marriage. He said "Hari, I want to be like this itself". I won his mind.
But the happiness only lasted for next ten days. The situation separated us after 31 July 2009. I am not taking the bus any more as I have shifted my room neat to office. I missed every moment that I have spent with him and mostly the way he used to say bye while getting down from bus.
Usually I won't pray God. But today I did. God! Heaven shake the energy has to hold me to pass my days with out any hindrance.

Why this happed? I regret for the happed thing every day morning. Does this will happen to everyone or this is happening to me alone. Why for me???

I have only one choice. I have to live with this pain. He will not be with me anymore.

I completed this epic on 08th August 2009 @ office, and it took nearly six hours to complete. Yes, I haven't gone for shopping or movie or beach. This epic is only for my Rahul. I fell so happy. The remembrance will not be taken away from me. It will be always with me and along with me and alone with me for ever and ever.

Written by: LGayFriend


  1. Hi Hari,
    This epic of yours was so touching that I was almost in tears as I finished reading. But working in same office it is very unlikely that it is the end of your relationship with rahul,
    invite him for week end outing.
    luv SIVA

  2. I was surprised to find a blog which has 100% resemblance to my experiences.. only change is tht the guy was younger to me and it was not the bus, instead it was his bike.. it is still unbearable not to see him..